A few days after Dumot was released, a lady with a kind heart and laser-like eagle eyes sent a letter to Visprint that listed her comments concerning a number of errors she saw in the book. This is a detailed response to that letter.
Oct. 8, 2011
Beverly Siy
Possibly A Member
Of The Local Grammar Police
Greetings!
I would like to respond to your email listing down the errors you found in Dumot: that book which I, a fictional character appeared in. Perhaps this would be a great opportunity for me, as a figment of the author’s imagination to be the one addressing these errors instead of the book’s creator himself, who is probably drunkenly gallivanting in some rain-soaked valley in the south without a care in the world.
I have copied and pasted your comments verbatim and thought it best to address them one by one:
1. Yung letter ni Michael perez kay mr. Robert Sandoval, dapat may comma after ayala avenue. Tapos pwede na pong tanggalin ang metro manila kasi city naman na ang Makati. Bale kung tatangapn po ang correction na to, pwedeng sa lahat ng letter siyempre iaapply
The comma after Ayala Avenue was not where it was supposed to be due to weather conditions. Schedule was pretty tight that day so we carried on without it. Metro Manila on the other hand passed by during her regular morning walk and requested to be included within the letters. We felt that was all right. You should have been there. We had tapa for breakfast.
2. Wala ang number ng page sa page 4 at page 5
The numbers on pages 4 and 5 had to leave immediately to be printed on some basketball jerseys. So even though it’s common knowledge that they should appear immediately after 1, 2, and 3 we were fine with their absence because we had numbers all the way up to 100 to help out naman.
3. Sa page 5 may salitang niyo. Ang tama pong spelling ay ninyo
The misspelling of “niyo” was a case of economy. At this point were kind of tired of writing “n’s” and we thought, you know, let’s rest for awhile and just use one “n”.
4. Page 8 yung mga words na sender at recipient ay hindi nakabold. Dapat po nakabold kasi ganon sa ibang pages
“Sender” and “Receiver” weren’t in bold type because they were in fact not bold characters at all. We were told it was a lifestyle decision. Unlike their other clones, they were a bit conservative and we we’re totally supportive about how they wanted to look on the page.
5. Page 8-may word na naming (before the word Benz) dapat “namang”. At and nanay mo, dapat at “ang” nanay mo.
“Namang” appeared as “naming” because the 2 a’s where arguing and “i” had to step in just so the word could be printed. Turns out the rogue “a” had other allies within the page, which is why the “d” in “and” was replaced by “g”. They both had to form a word somewhere else less interesting.
6. Page 9- yung mga cellnumbers after ng sender at recipient ay dapat po nakabold.
Just like in comment number 4, the cell numbers here were feeling a bit shy and didn’t want to come out too bold with the statements they were going to be associated with.
7. Page 11. Comma dapat afer ng well. Well why the fuck not?
From page 11 onwards, some commas chose to leave their posts due to prior engagements. But you’ll be glad to know that they are here right now and they’ve brought some friends with them, just in case a lot more are needed: “,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”.
8. Page 12. Comma after the word well. First word dito ang well.
Please refer to item number 7.
9. Page 13, last sentence, comma after the word no. no you are the shoes
You guessed it. Please refer to item numero siete.
10. Page 14, walang page number. Dapat have hindi has sa “you and the company has made available to me….
“14” couldn’t appear on this page due to undisclosed reasons. Although “fourteen” and 2 7’s appeared immediately to take its place, we chose to leave it blank just in case it came back.
11. Page 24, comma after word faith. Quote your faith not your religion.
Please refer to item number 7. Look here’s another one: “,”.
12. Page 25, remove nga sa line na mayaman ka na nga kasi may nga sa unang part ng sentence
“Nga” appears twice here for obvious reasons. They’re twins and they refused to be separated from each other. Family values are never to be under-estimated.
13. Page 25, the word iphone looks like lphone.
“iphone” looks like “1phone” because this particular “i” went to work with this weird haircut with the wavy bangs. “i” was pretty pissed when the staff was attempting to cut it off so we kind of just folded it in behind his ear.
14. Page 25, same line dapat may Dash sa talk kasi naputol. Talk tapos nasa sumunod na line na yung ing.
The Dash (which he now calls himself after gaining so much attention from The Incredibles) refused to participate as a punctuation mark this time. A colon wanted to help though. Great guy that one, but we thought is volunteerism should be reserved somewhere else, like in digestion.
15. Page 26, opinyon NOT opinion.
The second “i” in “opinion” wasn’t replaced by “y”. We were told that it accidentally ran into “v” (who was just passing by) and they fell on each other: with most of “i” stuck in the delicate parts of “v”. Scandalous, if you ask me.
16. Page 26, remove a sa nga. Gusto ko lagyan nga korona
Trust me when I say we tried to remove “a” but it just wouldn’t let go. We were told that for this particular sentence she evidently exposed her obsession with royalty.
17. Page 26, kulugo NOT kulogo
That’s still “u”. It’s just wearing a hoodie. You know how “u” can be sometimes: spontaneous and unpredictable.
18. Page 26, dapat may question mark sa dulo yung do you just talk like a bitch
This sentence generated a lot of debate upon construction, so much that the question mark left us hanging. She didn’t want to be associated with no bitch. Periods however are very familiar with bitches, so one of them gladly volunteered to take her place.
19. Page 28, you and the company have made NOT has made
This is a genuine error. We have contacted the Institute of Haves and they have sent some replacements along with volunteer commas just in case: “have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, has, have, have, have.”
20. Page 28, comma after the word yesterday sa linyang “according to the memo yesterday”
Please refer to item number 7.
21. Page 28, comma after the word you sa linyang, “you sir, are a penis”
Please refer to item number 7. Note: I was told this particular comma was kind of a prude and could not stand being close to organs of a sexual nature. Can you guess who her best friend was? Please refer to item number 18.
22. Page 32, remove a sa linyang “working with him for a months now”
Please refer to item number 16, which rhymes with sixteen.
23. Page 69, dapat nang sa linyang “mag-iisip ng malalim”
Please refer to item number 16, which rhymes with pristine.
24. Page 82, comma after the word tren “kung masira man ang tren”
Please refer to item number 7. By the way, would you know which punctuation mark was featured in a Boy George song? Well of course, it’s Comma Chameleon.
25. Page 113, dash sa insecuri. Kasi naputol
Everyone has insecurities, and we try to put a stop to these as much as we can. Please refer to item number 14.
26. Page 114, dapat nang sa linyang “kapag ihahatid ka ng patiwarik”
Please refer to item number 16.
27. Page 114, comma after the word huling hantungan.
What comma flies across the sky every 75 years? Eh di Halley’s Comma. If you can’t guess that well, that kind of says a lot about you. Please refer to item number 7.
28. Page 114, comma, after the word tange
What kind of punctuation mark falls asleep for a long time? Hint: If you can’t guess it, you should be in one. Please refer to item number 7.
29. Page 114, delete h sa eh
“H” is actually required here, since it softens the sound of “e”. Yes, like a pillow. On a person. While they’re sleeping: comfy and lethal.
30. Page 121, comma after the word sabon
What kind of punctuation mark do you sleep on every night? Unless you’re a highly intellectual beggar who has never slept on a bed before you would not know what I mean. Please refer to item number 7.
31. Page 121, comma after the word well. Well with all this hate
Which part of the human body loves being unconscious? Exactly. Comma toes. Please refer to item number 7.
32. Page 122, dapat may to sa gitna ng able at quantify
“To” is there, wearing an ancient cloak of invisibility, making it unable to be quantified. You should totally get one. Does wonders for self-confidence. And directing traffic.
33. Page 122, check spelling ng splathered
“Splathered” is a word invented specifically for the book. It is a combination of “splattered” and “lathered” and makes a sound exactly like the one in your head right now.
34. Page 124, comma after the drops of victory
What is the title of the Crazy Town song that featured a punctuation in its chorus? Please refer to item number 7.
35. Page 125, small letter dapat ang t sa too busy making living
This “T” took the task seriously and felt it just had to capitalize itself to make a point.
36. Page 125, dapat that sa I will smite the hand the bleeds you
There was actually a confusion on which hand was to be smitten. At the time, there were about 28 hands and we were all like “is it going to be this hand or that hand, or what about that hand or this hand na lang”. But of course we couldn’t settle for just any hand. Finally we decided that we couldn’t use that hand. It had to be THE hand.
36. Ok yung book feeling ko dapat may book na ganito na pinoy authored. Pero ito ang book na ayokong basahin uli hahahaha parang na-relieve ako na natapos ko na siya. Siguradong maraming makakarelate. Maraming galit sa boss nila, sa sistemang kinasasadlakan nila. And they need an assurance na normal lang ang mga ito. This is definitely a “fuckin hellish” gift to phil. Lit.
I would like to say that I am very pleased with this paragraph and I am sure your friend Phil will be very glad to have a copy of Dumot sitting on his face.
I am sure you will also find errors within this document, rest assured they are where they are supposed to be and are quite glad to be there. We really can’t control some words and letters these days. They just come out whenever and wherever they want to. As forms of expression, they really like taking liberties when it comes to being themselves. Be well.
Well, that’s it. I’d like to thank your for being generous with your comments, though you really shouldn’t have, but that’s okay, we’re all mature adults with guns in our jackets here. We can all take a little criticism once in awhile along with a few metaphorical bullet wounds to the chest. That’s how life is.
Respectfully,
Michael Perez
Fictional Character With Real Feelings
And Highly Superior Stalking Skills
Trouble Is My Middle Finger 
Posted on October 9, 2011
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