It took me 3 months to complete the book and as I was making it, to be honest, I was never really able to grasp the importance of why I made certain creative decisions that defined the book’s design and content. Most of the time, I just relied on my gut feel on how things should be. Sometimes, the book’s “go signal” for production was all I had to fuel the next couple of weeks I was given to finish it, buried under a pile of illustrations, a manuscript, and a steady diet of Facebook and pineapple juice.

When I finally received the first mock-ups and began the painful process of proofreading, large chunks of doubt overcame me for a few days, planting questions in my head like, “Alan, who the hell is going to read through this shit-bible of negativity?” and “Is it even possible for you to get laid in the near future with your name attached to this monstrosity?” and of course “Why couldn’t you have just made that comic book about a mermaid with amnesia and nymphomania?”

But I trudged on, with my gut telling me to keep my balls close and finish what I started. Eventually, the book ran through Visprint’s printers and found its way into bookstores. Sometimes, more doubtful questions would jump into my face, like “Meron kayang bibili nito sa PureGold Sucat?” and “Am I even going to read this myself?” but I carried on, occasionally treating these questions out for lunch when I can and pretending to listen to them. I kind of realized that who I was as a normal, whiskey-loving person was having issues with the things I do as a whiskey-loving storyteller/creator/thing-maker. The former always doubting the latter, and telling it to sleep early and exercise regularly rather than grab microphones and stand on tables.

2.
When I knew that I could not reconcile them both, I just decided to stop thinking about the book with these mixed feelings of happiness and anxiety and just focus on new projects. It was at that point in time and space that as a creator of things I had to “let go and move on”. Besides, I knew that I had this “skill” of forgetting everything that I write, so I wanted that to work to my benefit.

So I forgot about Dumot for awhile, until a few days ago, I had a Michael Perez-style bad day: I was furious and confused (confurious?!) about certain things that had happened: things that I could not control and ultimately became a victim of. And I could not deal with them directly since my feelings were getting in the way of my focus.

I saw the book on my work table, opened to a page and began reading passages out loud. In a speech-like manner. Passages that I had already forgotten about. As I kept reading through the thing, only then did I realize why Dumot was the way it is. Only then did I fully understand Angelo Suarez’s description of the book: “spectacularizing the hot air of angst, all scaffolding w/o the building, empty but for the frames.”

The things I could not articulate in my head when I was feeling “confurious” were given form and substance. As they were given form, they became tangible. And as they became tangible, they became clear. And when my thoughts became clear, I was able to deal with them.

That being said, I would like to apologize if this sounds like a case of “pagbubuhat ng sariling bangko”. Charming thought, but it isn’t. But this has lead me to certain things I can now say about the book. Things I would not be able to say while I was making it.

3.
Is Dumot a kind of book that anyone can read? Yes and no. Perhaps anyone can read it, but maybe the best way to experience it is if they are at a certain state of mind similar to my experience: pissed off, hateful and floating in a sea of gurgling anger.

So yes, it is a shit-bible of negativity meant to exorcise feelings of angst. It is a monstrosity built for channeling the monster out of you. Speak through Michael Perez. Let Dumot give form to your frustration and shape to your hate, if only to be set free from the self. I call it anger porn.

And if all else fails, enjoy the stickers at the back.

Hugs and chugs (and jugs) for everyone!

Alan

P.S. I will still probably push through with that story about that mermaid with amnesia and nymphomania.

Oct. 8, 2011

Beverly Siy

Possibly A Member
Of The Local Grammar Police

Greetings!

I would like to respond to your email listing down the errors you found in Dumot: that book which I, a fictional character appeared in. Perhaps this would be a great opportunity for me, as a figment of the author’s imagination to be the one addressing these errors instead of the book’s creator himself, who is probably drunkenly gallivanting in some rain-soaked valley in the south without a care in the world.

I have copied and pasted your comments verbatim and thought it best to address them one by one:

1. Yung letter ni Michael perez kay mr. Robert Sandoval, dapat may comma after ayala avenue. Tapos pwede na pong tanggalin ang metro manila kasi city naman na ang Makati. Bale kung tatangapn po ang correction na to, pwedeng sa lahat ng letter siyempre iaapply

The comma after Ayala Avenue was not where it was supposed to be due to weather conditions. Schedule was pretty tight that day so we carried on without it. Metro Manila on the other hand passed by during her regular morning walk and requested to be included within the letters. We felt that was all right. You should have been there. We had tapa for breakfast.

2. Wala ang number ng page sa page 4 at page 5

The numbers on pages 4 and 5 had to leave immediately to be printed on some basketball jerseys. So even though it’s common knowledge that they should appear immediately after 1, 2, and 3 we were fine with their absence because we had numbers all the way up to 100 to help out naman.

3. Sa page 5 may salitang niyo. Ang tama pong spelling ay ninyo

The misspelling of “niyo” was a case of economy. At this point were kind of tired of writing “n’s” and we thought, you know, let’s rest for awhile and just use one “n”.

4. Page 8 yung mga words na sender at recipient ay hindi nakabold. Dapat po nakabold kasi ganon sa ibang pages

“Sender” and “Receiver” weren’t in bold type because they were in fact not bold characters at all. We were told it was a lifestyle decision. Unlike their other clones, they were a bit conservative and we we’re totally supportive about how they wanted to look on the page.

5. Page 8-may word na naming (before the word Benz) dapat “namang”.  At and nanay mo, dapat at “ang” nanay mo.

“Namang” appeared as “naming” because the 2 a’s where arguing and “i” had to step in just so the word could be printed. Turns out the rogue “a” had other allies within the page, which is why the “d” in “and” was replaced by “g”. They both had to form a word somewhere else less interesting.

6. Page 9- yung mga cellnumbers after ng sender at recipient ay dapat po nakabold.

Just like in comment number 4, the cell numbers here were feeling a bit shy and didn’t want to come out too bold with the statements they were going to be associated with.

7. Page 11. Comma dapat afer ng well. Well why the fuck not?

From page 11 onwards, some commas chose to leave their posts due to prior engagements. But you’ll be glad to know that they are here right now and they’ve brought some friends with them, just in case a lot more are needed: “,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”.

8. Page 12. Comma after the word well. First word dito ang well.

Please refer to item number 7.

9. Page 13, last sentence, comma after the word no. no you are the shoes

You guessed it. Please refer to item numero siete.

10. Page 14, walang page number. Dapat have  hindi has sa “you and the company has made available to me….

“14″ couldn’t appear on this page due to undisclosed reasons. Although “fourteen” and 2 7′s appeared immediately to take its place, we chose to leave it blank just in case it came back.

11. Page 24, comma after word faith. Quote your faith not your religion.

Please refer to item number 7. Look here’s another one: “,”.

12. Page 25, remove nga sa line na mayaman ka na nga kasi may nga sa unang part ng sentence

“Nga” appears twice here for obvious reasons. They’re twins and they refused to be separated from each other.  Family values are never to be under-estimated.

13. Page 25, the word iphone looks like lphone.

“iphone” looks like “1phone” because this particular “i” went to work with this weird haircut with the wavy bangs. “i” was pretty pissed when the staff was attempting to cut it off so we kind of just folded it in behind his ear.

14. Page 25, same line dapat may Dash sa talk kasi naputol. Talk tapos nasa sumunod na line na yung ing.

The Dash (which he now calls himself after gaining so much attention from The Incredibles) refused to participate as a punctuation mark this time. A colon wanted to help though. Great guy that one, but we thought is volunteerism should be reserved somewhere else, like in digestion.

15. Page 26, opinyon NOT opinion.

The second “i” in “opinion” wasn’t replaced by “y”. We were told that it accidentally ran into “v” (who was just passing by) and they fell on each other: with most of “i” stuck in the delicate parts of “v”. Scandalous, if you ask me.

16. Page 26, remove a sa nga. Gusto ko lagyan nga korona

Trust me when I say we tried to remove “a” but it just wouldn’t let go. We were told that for this particular sentence she evidently exposed her obsession with royalty.

17. Page 26, kulugo NOT kulogo

That’s still “u”. It’s just wearing a hoodie. You know how “u” can be sometimes: spontaneous and unpredictable.

18. Page 26, dapat may question mark sa dulo yung do you just talk like a bitch

This sentence generated a lot of debate upon construction, so much that the question mark left us hanging. She didn’t want to be associated with no bitch. Periods however are very familiar with bitches, so one of them gladly volunteered to take her place.

19. Page 28, you and the company have made NOT has made

This is a genuine error. We have contacted the Institute of Haves and they have sent some replacements along with volunteer commas just in case: “have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, has, have, have, have.”

20. Page 28, comma after the word yesterday sa linyang “according to the memo yesterday”

Please refer to item number 7.

21. Page 28, comma after the word you sa linyang, “you sir, are a penis”

Please refer to item number 7. Note: I was told this particular comma was kind of a prude and could not stand being close to organs of a sexual nature. Can you guess who her best friend was? Please refer to item number 18.

22. Page 32, remove a sa linyang “working with him for a months now”

Please refer to item number 16, which rhymes with sixteen.

23. Page 69, dapat nang sa linyang “mag-iisip ng malalim”

Please refer to item number 16, which rhymes with pristine.

24. Page 82, comma after the word tren “kung masira man ang tren”

Please refer to item number 7. By the way, would you know which punctuation mark was featured in a Boy George song? Well of course, it’s Comma Chameleon.

25. Page 113, dash sa insecuri. Kasi naputol

Everyone has insecurities, and we try to put a stop to these as much as we can. Please refer to item number 14.

26. Page 114, dapat nang sa linyang “kapag ihahatid ka ng patiwarik”

Please refer to item number 16.

27. Page 114, comma after the word huling hantungan.

What comma flies across the sky every 75 years? Eh di Halley’s Comma. If you can’t guess that well, that kind of says a lot about you. Please refer to item number 7.

28. Page 114, comma, after the word tange

What kind of punctuation mark falls asleep for a long time? Hint: If you can’t guess it, you should be in one. Please refer to item number 7.

29. Page 114, delete h sa eh

“H” is actually required here, since it softens the sound of “e”. Yes, like a pillow. On a person. While they’re sleeping: comfy and lethal.

30. Page 121, comma after the word sabon

What kind of punctuation mark do you sleep on every night? Unless you’re a highly intellectual beggar who has never slept on a bed before you would not know what I mean. Please refer to item number 7.

31. Page 121, comma after the word well. Well with all this hate

Which part of the human body loves being unconscious? Exactly. Comma toes. Please refer to item number 7.

32. Page 122, dapat may to sa gitna ng able at quantify

“To” is there, wearing an ancient cloak of invisibility, making it unable to be quantified. You should totally get one. Does wonders for self-confidence. And directing traffic.

33. Page 122, check spelling ng splathered

“Splathered” is a word invented specifically for the book. It is a combination of “splattered” and “lathered” and makes a sound exactly like the one in your head right now.

34. Page 124, comma after the drops of victory

What is the title of the Crazy Town song that featured a punctuation in its chorus? Please refer to item number 7.

35. Page 125, small letter dapat ang t sa too busy making living

This “T” took the task seriously and felt it just had to capitalize itself to make a point.

36. Page 125, dapat that sa I will smite the hand the bleeds you

There was actually a confusion on which hand was to be smitten. At the time, there were about 28 hands and we were all like “is it going to be this hand or that hand, or what about that hand or this hand na lang”. But of course we couldn’t settle for just any hand. Finally we decided that we couldn’t use that hand. It had to be THE hand.

36.  Ok yung book feeling ko dapat may book na ganito na pinoy authored. Pero ito ang book na ayokong basahin uli hahahaha parang na-relieve ako na natapos ko na siya. Siguradong maraming makakarelate. Maraming galit sa boss nila, sa sistemang kinasasadlakan nila. And they need an assurance na normal lang ang mga ito. This is definitely a “fuckin hellish” gift to phil. Lit.

I would like to say that I am very pleased with this paragraph and I am sure your friend Phil will be very glad to have a copy of Dumot sitting on his face.

I am sure you will also find errors within this document, rest assured they are where they are supposed to be and are quite glad to be there. We really can’t control some words and letters these days. They just come out whenever and wherever they want to. As forms of expression, they really like taking liberties when it comes to being themselves. Be well.

Well, that’s it. I’d like to thank your for being generous with your comments, though you really shouldn’t have, but that’s okay, we’re all mature adults with guns in our jackets here. We can all take a little criticism once in awhile along with a few metaphorical bullet wounds to the chest. That’s how life is.

Respectfully,

Michael Perez
Fictional Character With Real Feelings
And Highly Superior Stalking Skills

See you there!

Hi everyone. Here’s a video that’s based from a section of the book. I thought it would be great to show how this part looked like in my head for a time, before I decided what eventually went into print.

It features Kris Caguiat and is directed by Sarie Cruz and edited by Ike Veneracion.

We hope you like it. :

Here’s a sample spread from the upcoming Girl Trouble 2. It’s still a work in progress, and will hopefully be ready at the end of this year or early next.

I don’t post here a lot, but I’m usually on:

twitter.com/arnavarra, arnavarra.tumblr.com , flickr.com/photos/arnavarra/ and on the Girl Trouble page on Facebook.

Anyway, I thought about what kind of girl would be good to date.

And I realized,

perhaps it would be good

to date a girl

with good timing.

A girl with good timing knows what to do or what to say when. Which means she’s probably already done and said a lot of things to know which ones she should keep on doing and saying. Which means she knows what she likes. And what she wants. What makes her feel good. What makes her smile. What makes her laugh.

If she understands what makes her laugh, she knows the value of a joke. A girl with good timing can tell a joke properly. Which means she understands the power of the punch line. Which means she has a sense of humor. Which means she listens.  Because she knows when to talk. And when to keep quiet. Which means she’s smart. Which means she reads. Which means she understands the value of knowing stuff. Which means she asks questions. Which gives her answers. So she knows what to do, or what to say when.

A girl with good timing moves accordingly. Which means she can move to a beat. Which means she responds to music. Which means she can dance. Which means she can seduce. Which means she can affect you from a distance. With desire. With love. With hate. With intellect. With a smile. With a frown. Without looking your way. Without a single word. With a drink in her hand. With food in her mouth. And in her belly. A girl with good timing knows that she has to eat at certain times of the day. Because she is human. She is not stupid. She has to eat. So her organs can function. So she can be healthy. So she can grow. And live a long, beautiful life with you.

Yeah. Date a girl with good timing.

She’ll know what to do with you when the time is right.

In the past few days, I’ve seen numerous posts of the ff:

1. Videos on better ways to deal with hostage situations
2. Articles on better ways to deal with hostage situations
3. Jokes, opinions and memes on better ways to deal with hostage situations
4. Apologies, inspirational messages to deal with an event that dealt with a hostage situation.

It’s all great, cheeky fun really.
People have a great time posting and ranting and joking and posting again and again.

The internet is alive.

But.
If all this is for the cops, and eventually for “us”, whoever we are, here’s a quick fact:

The cops aren’t on facebook.
The cops aren’t on twitter.

They are either:

1. Doing their job
2. Not doing their job.

Ergo. They may not have the time to view the precious information that is directed to them.

So here’s what I would like to do, and maybe (for once, spamming will be required) you guys can help me too (tag me in the posts so I can download them).

I am gathering:

1. all the videos on youtube that people have posted on their walls and downloading them into mpeg files
2. saving articles of better ways to deal with hostage situations
3. making a powerpoint of all the funny tralalala memes and photos that both hurt us and make us laugh and make us question this Filipino identity that we end up having to defend…

and burning them onto a DVD. Maybe 50 DVDs.

Maybe I can gather all the scratch papers in my office and print them out as well.
I will put the DVD into an envelope, and send it to this address:

PNP NHQ Camp General Crame, Quezon City, Metro Manila. Philippines 1100

That way, they can view it at home, in the office, in the car, wherever.
You can try it yourself. Send your version of the DVD too.

Kasi, like
I just realized that
if its information they can use,

if I have something in mind that
they ought to read or listen to,

then I better
get
it
to
them.

Hmmmwhatchasay,
Alan